Four letter words

You know that split second when nothing matters? When the immediate present is the only thing that exists? I love that moment. I'm in one. I'm sitting outside, reading The Grapes of Wrath for school (oh my god it's so good), and listening to the radio. It's that hole in time where every thought comes with "Fuck it." I love that the best moments in my life are the moments where the only thing that matters to me is the scene that I'm in. It's the only time we can see through all of the bullshit of routine.

Fuck routine. Fuck everything except John Steinbeck's descriptions of dirt. Fuck everything except George Harrison's guitar and John Lennon's voice. Fuck everything except the tires of the car that drives by, and the sound they make smashing the pebbles of leftover bricks from the construction site next door. Fuck everything but the conspicuously open door of the house across the street. Fuck everything except for this damp lawn chair that makes everything more uncomfortable. Fuck everything except the TV I can see through the window playing "The Brady Bunch". Fuck everything except the spider getting a few inches too close to my leg. Fuck it. Fuck you. Fuck everything except the pretentious keystrokes that are channeling out my fingers. Fuck everything except my porch light that's a little too bright for a night like this. Fuck everything except the sweltering humidity, making breathing just hard enough to notice that it's harder than it normally is. Fuck everything that I'm not experiencing right now. The second I start caring, the second I snap out of it.So I just won't care. Fuck caring.

And most of all, fuck chemistry.
Shit. The moment is over.


  1. Somebody has loads of free time... If only I had that much time.

  2. I'm reminded of the scene in "Planes, Trains and Automobiles" - one of my all-time favorite movies - in which Steve Martin's character uses the word "fuck" to great comedic effect.